communities and times

We took Jamie to a wedding this weekend. Jamie is my almost 4 year old granddaughter. She found the event a bit long, but she had a great time, dancing with a friend’s 5 year old, her dad, her mom, even by herself.

Jamie was not alone; there were at least a dozen other kids there. At one point, Jamie’s little brother and I danced with the bride and her little niece.

Which, as such events do, got me to thinking. The wedding included kids, babies, teens, adults, even older folks in wheel chairs.

I have been at weddings where emphatically, “adults only,” was the rule. The idea of wedding as show, as theatre dominated, every detail aimed at an image. But that was not yesterday.

Yesterday, a couple came together, bridging cultures, he of European ancestry, she of Mexican, both proud and secure in their family’s love and history, both believers in a vision of their lives, their relationship with each other and God. Yesterday, the sacrament of marriage, was celebrated by a community of supportive friends and family.

I don’t want to be to Pollyannaish about this. There were some tensions in the room. The wedding party and congregation included some folks who were very unhappy about life choices these two are making, but were stubbornly there to support friends and family and see the marriage properly done. Happily, those choices did not include the marrige. Issues or not, everyone was there determined to stand with them at this time.

Jamie did not care. She folded her hands when I asked, said “A-men” when I told her the prayer was over, danced, and ate several thousand calories of candy and cake. She got it. She thinks the bride was, “perfect.”

In a real way, the coming of that community is part of why I am so angry with the ongoing refusal of our society to understand the love lesbian / gay couples bring together. I want to stand witness to the love my friends share: I want to dance at their weddings.

We deny more than we own when we cut ourselves off from community, be it by having ‘adult only’ weddings or refusing to bring our communities together for some people because of our own issues. If we simply accepted people for who they are, those communities could come together in ways they cannot now. Were we in tune with Hillel "Love God and your neighbor is Torah; everything else is commentary" and Jesus, "A new command I have for you that you love one another," we would not spend time deciding some love is sin.

Jamie and I will dance at some future events. I cry when I consider that at my age, we likely won’t dance at her wedding. I cry when I realize we won’t dance at some weddings of our friends. Age I can accept, prejudice I cannot.